From Hitler to Weed.

18 April 2020

Monday is my birthday.  I was born in 1956. Eisenhour was President. When I came into the sunlight for the first time, I weighed in at over 10 pounds. Yep, I was that bowling ball baby that women dread.  

The years since my birth have flown by. I will turn 64 years of age on this circle around the sun. In case you have ever wondered 64 is the average age for retirement in the State of Michigan.  I retired just a wee bit early. I am dragging my feet to slow the carousel down.

With the days of the pandemic all blurring into one another I probably would not have paid any attention to my birthday.  No restaurants are open for celebration eats so why should I care? However, Facebook will not let me forget my birthday giving messages about it every time I open the program. More on that in a moment. 

Monday’s date is 4/20. I had been looking forward to celebrating my birthday in the Algarve. The rise of the pandemic made sure that didn’t happen.  Homemade chocolate cake with sour crème frosting will be the sum total of my celebratory frenzy this year. Know well that it will be made with love and it will be enough of a celebration for me.

When I was younger and my birthday rolled around there were two things tied to it.  One recurring congruence was that my birthday fell on a religious holiday, either Good Friday or Easter. When my birthday was not tied to the resurrection story someone would invariably bring up that April 20th was also Hitler’s birthday. 

When I turned ten the Reich had fallen only two decades before and everyone’s father had served. Sharing a birthday with the universally hated Fuhrer was awkward.  When my birthday fell on Good Friday or Easter at least I had the certainty of chocolate bunny ears to eat. Piety first and then the egg hunt and the chocolate bunny ears. The next time my birthday falls on Easter is 2025.  I will be sixty-nine years of age, if I make it. Heh, heh, he said sixty-nine.

As time went on 4/20 came to be tied to something else, marijuana.  Having the Christian name of Jay and having a 420 birthday, there have been many jokes made.  Given my youthful abusive use of the substance, and despite the fact I have not gotten high in over a quarter of a century, great ribbing ensued. Oh well, I guess it is better to have a birthday on weed day as opposed to national enema day.

But back to Facebook. Facebook has many features that were interesting upon first glance but which have lost their allure over time.  Actually, many of these have become obnoxious over time.  360 posts, live posts, 3-D posts, all had a certain novelty “wow” factor when they first appeared.  However, using them over time, except in all but extremely limited circumstances, grows tiring.  I don’t need each of your (or my) selfies to be 3-D. 

Starting a couple of years ago Facebook began its charitable donation feature. Whenever you write a longer Facebook piece that contains a phrase like autism or freedom of the press, and you hit the post button, Facebook asks if you want a charitable donation button added.  When I talk about living with a young adult with autism, Facebook will offer me options to create a donate button for Autism Speaks (never) to the Michigan Autism Society to three or four other groups.

When you birthday rolls around Facebook also suggests a donate button.  Frequently the suggested charities will be ones gleaned from my news feed. In the alternative they will be something ripped from the current headlines. 

I started getting the donate button requests from Facebook for this year’s birthday about 10 days ago.  Two of the charities suggested were British and involved the NHS and Covid 19. The NHS referenced is the National Health Service.  My guess is I mentioned Boris Johnson’s care through the NHS in one of my more political posts and thus the Facebook bots figured I had some connection.  I live in Michigan.  The NHS is not relevant to me.

Last year, or maybe the year before, I did use the donate button on my birthday.  I opted for donations to a regional autism support society.  The donations met the goal I set. However, I don’t think I will use the button option again, ever.  Using the button made me feel dirty.

To me the use of the donate button is problematic. I have had a number of friends place the button up for some very valid causes, cancer, mental health, and natural disasters to name a few. I have given to some, but not all.  When I don’t give, I feel and fear judgment, both external and internal.  When I don’t give, I worry my friend who posted the button will feel hurt.  That worry makes me feel hurt.  Dammit, Facebook is where I come to disconnect from reality.  I don’t need adverse judgment to be part of the experience. Just saying.

Oh well, by the time I get to 4/20 this year all the bunny ears will be gone.  Also vanished will be the robins eggs and chocolate mini eggs. Sigh. At least I won’t have to feel guilty about browbeating my friends with a Facebook donate button. If you feel charitable 420 and feel the urge to give please donate something to those on the front line in this pandemic.  Nurses stand out as a group that could stand to receive some a free coffee or something that will make a day in an overwhelming world a little easier.