Disquiet and Anger

Each morning, I wake up and begin my routine. As soon as I get out of the washroom, I pull on my trousers and lately, I have been pulling on a sweatshirt. We're experiencing cold weather, with temperatures in the mid-fifties. In the bright morning light, I crank open all the metal window blinds and eat my cereal and milk. I heat up a cup of yesterday’s coffee and try to shake off the cobwebs in my mind left there by my dreaming.

My next step is to sit at my computer. It has taken me a long time to accept who and what I am. There were times when I could have done better, as well as times when I could have done worse. It would have been better if I had been more serious, but I am who I am. In the end, all I have left are my words, so I sit down each day to write something/anything.

I always intend to write something meaningful. But most days, what comes from the tapping of my fingers is a faint whisper, a thin cloud of thoughts about what I've seen or experienced. I wish I could write with Ishiguro's power or Heather Cox Richardson's insight, but I can't. I can only manage a few paragraphs about getting on the wrong bus.

The temptation at the keyboard is to check out my old home's "news" first. These days it is hard for me to tell if what is coming at my feed is news or the building blocks of an ‘coming soon to this location’ apocalypse. Often, I try ignore the events taking place in my native land, some 3,467 miles or 5,580 kilometers away from where I now live. But I cannot. The madness still filters through, whether I'm in conversations with other exiles (we're all exiles now) or stumbling across headlines on newspapers hanging on newsstands.

It breaks my heart and tears at my soul that a plurality of Americans chose a candidate whose only goal in winning seemed to be avoiding jail. There is no vision. After eight years all he can offer is that he has some concepts for replacing the ACA[i] and he wants tariffs and mass deportations. It is clear from his cabinet picks that he disdains the rule of law and holds abject contempt for the concepts of justice and equality. The fact that these voters knew the man had promised to pardon all those involved in the Capitol attack of January 6th absolutely crushes my soul. His intolerance, bigotry, and his inability to handle world crises are problematic. However, the pardons will be a slap in the face of everyone living and dead who has fought for and/or died to keep American democracy alive.

The United States is a land of laws. When I was sworn into the bars of Michigan and Delaware, I committed to upholding the laws of both states and the Constitution. During the mayhem at the Capitol, I saw the mob attack our democracy's lawful processes with fierce force. We all saw it. To my mind it is impossible to justify pardoning these individuals in a nation of laws. Pardoning one man for a nonviolent drug crime and a weapon possession charge is not equivalent to forgiving a mob. This mob broke in, damaged and defiled the people’s sanctuary, and caused deaths and injuries because their personal demagog[ii] decried the results of a lawful election. 

It breaks my heart to see what America has done. It makes me sick to my stomach. I fear that the US as a nation of laws, of checks and balances, of personal rights and freedoms and of citizen’s obligations will be diminished or disappear. It brings me no solace that I will not be there as this unfolds. I wish I could have the enlightenment of Siddhartha as he sat by the river at peace with all. But I don't, Instead I have antacids to calm my churning gut as I watch this political car crash unfold.

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[i] December 8, 2024 Interview with Kristen Welker, NBC News:

Welker: “Sir, you said during the campaign, you have concepts of a plan. Do you have an actual plan at this point for health care?”

Trump: “Yes. We have concepts of a plan that would be better.”

Welker: “Still just concepts? Do you have a fully developed plan?”

Trump: “Let me explain. We have the biggest health care companies looking at it. We have doctors. We’re always looking because Obamacare stinks. It’s lousy. There are better answers. If we come up with a better answer, I would present that answer to Democrats and to everybody else, and I’d do something about it.”

[ii] One who makes use of popular prejudices, false claims and promises seeks to gain power or maintain power. -Merriam Webster.