Wondering Where the Walnuts Went

3 September 2020

The Old Man and the Breezeway

Together with my family I have lived in this house for 21 ½ years now.  Over that time a great deal of maintenance has been deferred, well almost all maintenance has been deferred. With two kids, one in hockey, and with my wife and I holding down jobs that demanded more than 9 to 5 involvement, things were let to slide. The only exceptions have been pipes that have exploded both inside and outside of the house, furnaces that have died in -10 F weather and a roof that was leaking. Oh yeah and all the windows got swapped out.

In recent months remedial efforts have been undertaken to try and sort out stuff that just has to get done.  Last summer, back when I was still employed, I had some contractors replace two doors on my breezeway.  The sills had rotted and the doors wouldn’t close properly.  Seemed like a good start to the many projects that were awaiting in a process of upgrading and rehabilitating the house.

Bids were solicited and one was accepted. The contractors were here on time and they were efficient. Both doors were installed quickly, two to two- and one-half days maximum from start to finish.   However, comporting with the Jay Todd Theory of antecedent causes which states that all things done will disclose another thing that should have been done first, the breezeway work revealed just as great a deficit on the interior of the space.  As the contractor pounded in the door frames, large portions of drywall and ceiling of the breezeway just collapsed.

The large chunks falling off the walls and ceiling were not the fault of the contractor; pieces parts had been decaying for years.  Quickly, a quote was created to redo the ceiling and walls.  The price being agreeable to this owner the work was commenced late in the fall 2019.  The only thing was that there was a $335 bid for painting.  Given the small area involved I decided I could do it myself.  Worst $335 I did not spend.

Note well the construction had moments of absurdity.  As the contractors ripped out the old roof of the passage, they got a surprise.  A bushel and a half of walnuts cascaded down on them just as soon as they pulled the ceiling down.  Apparently, a squirrel or many generations of squirrels had found a passage into the space above the breezeway. The furry pests were using the empty space as a larder for their walnut stash.  The passage has now been sealed off. 

When June of the pandemic year rolled around, I ordered the paint needed to do the job.  Being that nobody wanted to go into stores, and given Home Depot was offering free home delivery on most any order, I sat down at my computer and requested gray floor paint and white semi-gloss for the walls and ceiling. (Now, Home Depot has shifted to free home delivery on orders over $45.) Most of the paint got here unopened.  One can however leaked about a quarter of its contents.  Home Depot graciously credited me 25% of the price of that can.  It was the floor paint and with a six by eight area to coat I did not need a full gallon.

When I headed in to the breezeway to paint, I then realized I needed tools with which to apply the paint.  At one point in the past I had a roller and some brushes.  Time steals everything it seems. Another online order followed and this delivery went off without a hitch. I was all set. Well, almost.

First the weather was way too hot to work in an unventilated breezeway.  Then, it was too humid.  Then, well it was my day to read a novel.  Eventually in early July there came a Monday that was not too warm or too cool, that was not humid at all, and when I had no e-books checked out and I set to the task.  Did I tell you how many nooks and crannies there are in the breezeway due to the inordinate number of built in shelves that are located there? Did I mention how hard it is to paint on bare wood because it just sucks up the paint?

Over the next two months I worked on painting a few hours here and a few hours there.  First, I did all the prep work, Frog Tape and I are tight.  Then I attacked the ceilings, the shelves and finally the walls.  Oh, at the start of this I did the floor. Yeah, I am aware I should have left that for last.  But I had to apply this anti-moisture paint that takes forever to dry and I figured I had better get it out of the way.  And anyway, what are drop cloths for?  

Finally, last Saturday I got the last pieces of the molding on the floor painted. My task was completed, the first coat that is. Yesterday I had enough.  In a fit of fury, I put the entire second coat on. And it was done.  Does it look like a professional job?  No.  Does it look like an attorney painted it?  Yes.  Was it a learning experience?  Oh yeah.  I can tell you for certain getting a large amount of paint out of your hair is unpleasant.  I can also tell you a good fan is a must for ventilation.  Luckily, I had one industrial mother of a fan. 

Today, towards the end of the day, when I have assured myself the paint is good and dry, I will start moving the stuff that came out of the breezeway back in.  Hopefully, I will find an order to organizing that has never previously existed in the space.  

Am I proud? The answer is no, it was just work that needed to be done.  Am I one with my pandemic sisters and brothers who have undertaken home repairs and home improvements like never before?  Yes, I am. Time is different now.  Things have a different hierarchy of value now. Life is different now.  

And somewhere there are some pissed off squirrels wondering where the walnuts are. Hey the attached song has nothing to do with this post.  But I like it so I am sharing.